Julie, my
beloved wife, how can I even begin to describe how grateful I am that the Lord
gave us one another to navigate this life together? Further, how can I begin to
tell you how much I have needed you in this journey called ministry? I cannot
help but think of how the Creator God “made [Adam] a helper fit for him”
(Genesis 2:18b). This is exactly what the Lord did when He hand-crafted you, preparing
you not only for His love and for His purposes, but also to be a helper to me
as He works His loving will in me and in our family.
I know you generally do not like the spotlight, but I could not pass up the
opportunity to brag on you. About a week ago, I saw a blog
post by Christine Hoover, called “We’re In This Together.” In it, she had
this to say: “On Valentine’s Day, I will be posting love letters from pastors,
church planters, and regular ol’ husbands to their wives, in which they express
how vital their wives are to their lives and ministries.”
Thus began “Operation:
Write an Epic Love Letter to My Indescribably Wonderful Wife.”
Seriously,
the heart behind it was this. I read at the end of the Proverbs that the natural
response to the life of a godly woman is to: “Give her the product of her
hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:31). Her life is
so rich in beautiful labor that news of it reached the city gates, a central
hub of life and social and commercial traffic. Everyone knew about her. I am
even (hopefully) inclined to think that the husband helped this process along,
considering he would have spent a considerable amount of time there (Boaz in Ruth
4:1ff). I hope to do the same.
Since I lack
the creativity to think in any other way than sequentially, I will attempt this
by writing through each “season” we have experienced. By the grace of God, may
the following words express to you how truly vital you are to the life of our
family and ministry together:
For starters, I didn’t know what to
expect when we got married. All I knew is that, though first-and-foremost made
for God, you and I were also made for each other. I just had no idea how true this
was. But, it wouldn’t take long to find out.
In Colorado, the Lord led us to a
difficult context. Not only were my jobs incredibly taxing on me, so was the
endeavor to teach college students. The Bible study times were difficult and
often discouraging. No matter what, you were there to provide encouragement and
remind me that the Lord was indeed at work. It was in this work that I also got
to see you minster to other women (up close) for the first time. It was beautiful
to see how much the Lord’s love poured out of you and into those students. In
another realm, you were there to point me to the fact that the Lord would
provide for all of our needs, despite our financial struggles, and that we had
no need to fear. You helped me to remain committed to giving Him our first
fruits in all things. When the Lord surprised us by calling us to pursue
overseas ministry, you were ready to put your “yes” on the table. And, when
Benjamin was born, I got to see the beautiful bloom of your passion to be a
wife and mother.
In Texas, with our acceptance and
transition into overseas service pending, your patient endurance was a
testimony of trust in the Lord. I know that you enjoyed the season and all of
the relational connections we made, but it was also very clear that it was a
difficult time for you personally. You cried a lot. Nevertheless, in the time
of silence, I watched you exhibit the courage to wait. I am often not a patient
man, and this challenged me in so many ways. You allowed yourself to be
stretched and disciplined by Him. You allowed the Lord to teach you that we are
not truly “at home” in this life, but we are always seeking a better country.
Little did we know, the sojourn was only just beginning.
In Virginia, our time was short. We
were in transition. We were in training. We were also led into a valley of
grief. We met and said goodbye to Jonathan that September. Together, we saw the
Lord reach into the deepest places of a broken heart, and give healing. As we
cried together, we knew that everything would be okay. The Lord was with us. We
didn’t understand it, but we knew He wasn’t out-of-control. I saw a resolve grow
in you during that short season. No matter what, Christ would be your Bedrock. That
resolve would be deeply tested.
In Central Asia, you walked into a
world where women are seen as second-class citizens. They are property. And,
their value and significance is dependent entirely on their ability to perform,
namely domestically and in child-bearing. This performance-based significance
went against everything that Christ did in your heart to lead you out of past
oppression. Ever since your adoption into God’s family, your heart has broken for
women who did not understand their value and significance as: (1) creations in-the-image-of-God
and (2) those for whom Christ died. This season would test that more than ever
before. You struggled with the spiritual heaviness of these lands. You
struggled to see women try and be “invisible,” as culture expected them to be. In
the face of all of this, I saw God’s grace flow through you. As I would tell
your dad a couple of years later, “To this day, I am grieved that y'all never
got to see Central Asia with your own eyes. I wish you could have seen how much
the women loved Julie. Some told her that she had a ‘glow’ to her. Suffice it
to say, Jesus shined like the sun through her. It was beautiful.” God used you
that year to be a light to women. And, this is to say nothing of your growth in
hospitality, language learning, and so much more. This time overseas began to
draw to a close when Abigail was born. Though it was certainly there before, it
was then that I really began to see how far a wife and mother would go to love and
serve her family. I know it was not easy to balance a new member of the family,
while also processing the unique elements and needs involved with Abigail’s
medical condition. That whole year, you were pushed to the limits.
Back in Texas, life seemed to slow down
substantially. It seemed to revolve around the seminary and the hospital. That’s
about it. However, it would get complicated as reverse culture-shock would set
in. We both dealt with it pretty handily, especially as we were looking for a
church to covenant with. To add, we continued to deal with being never-ending
sojourners. [At this point, the count was: 13 cities, 3 states, and 3 countries
in 4 years.] This also began a long season of personal struggle for me. Though my
identity is in Christ, I began to see that I had lost a bit of my “vocational
identity.” After all, the very thing we thought we were called to for the
remainder of our lives was no longer an option. Being in school helped, because
I certainly felt like I was preparing for the next step, but the struggle was
definitely there. This began what I consider to be one of the longest and most
significant ministries you have had towards me since we have been married. You
encouraged me in my studies, waited patiently as I tried to maintain a healthy
and God-honoring balance, and continued to hope that the Lord would show us
what was next. I wasn’t so hopeful. By this point, you were no stranger to my apparently
chronic faint-heartedness. Yet, you didn’t get frustrated and give up. To this
day, I cannot recall a moment when you became frustrated and said, “You know
what, Keith. This is getting old. Can you please snap out of it?” For years
now, you have proved to be a very patient woman. And, praise God for it. The next
season would require it more than any before.
Which bring us to Kansas, our newest home.
It is the longest place we have ever lived. It is the longest I have ever been
in one role. It is the place where we bought our first home. We welcomed our
little fireball, Lillian, into the world here. [Also, now expecting our next
little boy, of course.] We have been navigating the enormously odd and frustrating—though
entirely rewarding—world of Western church and youth-ministry. Yeah, this is
when your ministry to me as a wife would kick into a gear that can only be
explained by the indelible grace and mercy of God. But, before I brag on that,
one of the things that I have enjoyed most in this season is how you have
embraced personal commitment in your personal devotion with the Lord. I have
enjoyed watching you grow in your love for the Word of God over the past 2+
years. Now, back to my issues. I have been to some pretty dark places
personally in this season, and have taken heaping amounts of encouragement from
the simple fact that you have been there for me and have “believed in me,”
so-to-speak; that is, the grace of God working in me. For someone who claims to
hold that God is sovereign, I have been tossed and turned by the winds of my
circumstances and doubt and anger towards Him. But, you have faithfully prayed
for me, encouraged me, challenged me, exhorted me, and more. Needless to say, in
this season, one of the things I am most grateful for is how much the
friendship component of our marriage has grown. You have been a
living-and-breathing example of the fact that God is my “faithful friend.” You
have affirmed areas of growth in my life, when I find it hard to cease my
self-depreciating ways. This has turned my heart to be mindful that the Lord is
indeed at work and to thank Him for it. I have enjoyed holding your hand as we
daydream and pray together about the vision the Lord has for our family. I have
been blessed as you have shown patience and given me room to grow as a
spiritual leader and head of our home. On and on and on it goes.
Did I mention, yet, that I am thankful to God for you?
It is no
wonder that news of the Proverbs 31 woman reaches the gate. It cannot be contained
even in her own home: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband
also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass
them all’” (Proverbs 31:28-29).
I cannot say it any better myself, Julie. Though many women have truly done
excellently, in my eyes, you far-and-away surpass them all. I love you. I am
blessed by you. And—to the eternally gracious Creator, gift-Giver, and King—I
am grateful for you. Jesus is the unquestionable first love of my life, seeing
as He first loved me and gave Himself up for me. However, He has graciously given
me an every-day reminder of that love in you.
Now… may
news of you reach the gates.
